boundless blur

a heart that can will itself, will.

often will is lost
between fear filled lungs
and a moldy mind

I find you in the fog
lying in memory and now
tasting ruthless truths I bury

this life is mine
but faceless figures define
who and how I share it

the clock ticks faster
my skin gets cancer
and I struggle more than ever to leave the house

your life is yours
over
and over til it's right

chapped lips crack
chapped lips bleed
moisture is our choice

find me
in the fog
beyond the veil

this boundless blur
my heart
wills so

anomaly

I start today with a surface memory from the morning you passed.

I was supposed to get blood work. 

I was three weeks past my weekly draw.

The nurse called with ‘come in, today.’

The ‘had I gone’ doesn’t exist.

I can’t what if.

I won’t what if.

I was there

beside you

exactly where and when 

you left. 

Five years later on the hour

I am here writing words to keep you.

The truth is I was thirtysomething 

and I held your hand, often.

I didn’t think much of it, then.

I realize now what is rare.

When I was nineteen,

you held your hands above your head and danced

in a doorway in a bathrobe in a hotel in Florida.

Your grace taught me freedom.

Breastfed beyond two,

(I was the last child 

to be held and understood)

I thought I was the anomaly.

You carried twelve

delivered all naturally

loved all unconditionally 

and lived gentle into eighty,

leaving stories behind

of lives changed and healed.

Mother, you are the anomaly.

our bounty

there is a sickness in silence

that passes in secret

while women women and more women

stretching over continents and centuries

feel the same sword.

1 doctor, 125 women. 

decade after decade after decade. 

how sick the size of one man's damage.

sister, 

we are in this bubble together

and for every time i fail to warn you

and for every time you fail to warn me

the damage done is doubled.

when your lover beat you with words, fists, or lies

why did i not rise for you?

when my lover beat me with words, fists and lies

why did you not rise for me?

sister,

behold that we are our bounty   

so our bodies are bound for reverence.

settle the unknown

I have a truth I carry
In the palm of my pale hand
When love left for India
I came to understand

A map may reveal distance
A watch will tick and wind
This knowing you placed within me
Settles the unknown in my mind

My body may grow weak
You remain soft by my side
You are my deepest root
You are my strongest guide

A map may reveal distance
A watch will tick and wind
This knowing you placed within me
Settles the unknown in my mind