rising

i found the heartbeat of our daughter.
her drum raced a few beats faster than our son.
i hear them, i see them, and i touch their shadows on your skin.
it is april and the tulips are rising.

i remember holding my mother's hand on this day
6 years ago.
my finger rested on her wrist.
i held my breath and counted her every last beat.
i can still feel her pulse in my bones.

if i love, i listen.
i listen in love.
i hear life as music and music as life.

i can smell spring sliding through the windows.
will i mother as beautifully as my mother?
will i celebrate storms and sunrises the same?

"from noon to midnight and midnight to noon
there is always growth, child."

i ache to know the lives expanding within you
while i ache for my mother's voice.

these words are adrenaline for the future,
awareness of the past,
awe of this second,
now.

it is april and the tulips are rising.