walking into a wake
the smell of mixed florals
reminds me of stomach acid that stirred
seeing my grandmother
stiff and sewn.
i was six
and afraid to step near the casket.
i'm no longer six
but i still don't care for coffins.
loss is brutal, painful, numbing.
it's a wasp stinging your heart
novocain for every living layer within you.
it destroys digestion
and the desire to desire.
it's for worms and only worms.
when i lost my parents,
i lost all empathy for liars.
when you encounter good grief,
the truth surfaces and glows neon
and everything else is a vivid waste of time.
orphaned at 36 isn't a disaster,
but it still makes me sad.
the sadness swells when i see a new orphan
and recall how disgusting it is to understand that level of alone.
i want to hug your hurt so hard,
and maybe need you to hug my hurt too.